passion anyone?

i was looking through my brother-in-law's Facebook today and i saw a poster i really liked that he posted on his wall. it was a poster of New York city, interpreted in descriptive words that summed up what the city was about. The poster was created by Sophie Henson, a London-based illustrator and designer who is a member of several designer groups. it attracted me so much because a) it was New York and b) just how someone could be so imaginative to create an artwork out of words is just amazing to me. her blog writes about her passion in illustration and the people who inspire her. she showcases her incredible artwork as well, which i know will inspire many artists out there to think and design unconventionally. i've always believed that words are artwork as much as images are and Sophie has proven this theory of mine with her designs.

i have a lot of friends who are just as talented and as passionate about their illustrations. my sister, my brother-in-law, Govinda, Toting, Rocky, to mention a few, are all human pools of talent that i will never cease looking up to with awe. they live and breathe design and they have even made names for themselves in both the local and international design circuit. i am almost as proud to know them as they are of themselves.

the other day, Rory asked me what i collected. i said books. yes, books. whoop-de-doo. what kind of books? any kind. i've read practically every book i have at home, including the self-help ones my Dad used to collect. i've read books ranging from sappy to scary to analytical to biblical and yes, i've read the dictionary. that is when i made a realization that has saddened me to the core of my being. i have realized that i have no passion for anything.

well, maybe that's a bit too harsh on myself. if i wasn't passionate at all, i would suck at my job, probably even suck at life in general. i guess what i mean is, i don't seem to be passionate about ONE THING. some people are passionate about designing, or extreme sports or cars. some people ask, well, what about webdesign? that, i don't know. i thought i had gotten it back when i started Tummy Talk, but it seems i have lost the spark that ignited the flame. now all i seem to have is an empty pot. my dreams of travelling to Europe before i'm 30 are becoming just that: a dream. it seems amidst finding my direction in life, my soul has gotten lost. i haven't cooked anything in almost 4 months. that can't be passion. i used to make plans about travelling, but i have been in the same place for more than 6 months, the longest i've ever been in one place in almost 3 years. you know what they say that where your mole is on your body, that's what you most love to do? well, the mole on my sole is slowly fading. i can barely see it now.

the truth is, i do know what i love. i love to cook and i love to travel. my mom used to tell me i was a dreamer because i couldn't keep my feet on the ground. i love everything about travelling, even the long 18 hr flights that cramp up my legs and restrict blood circulation. i can always stand up and walk around. knowing you will be in a different place the next time you're on land makes it all worth it. and the food! nothing beats discovering a local delicacy. even if it takes you a couple of hours to understand the taste and a few trips to the washroom, it's the experience that can't be beat.

maybe that's what i'm passionate about. maybe experience is what drives me. i've always prided myself on trying anything once and i have never turned down anything juat as long as i know will not jeopardize my relationships, my health or my moral standards. so is it possible to be passionate about experience? i remember i've been asked so many times why i agree to do things that people normally don't do without getting paid for it. my answer has always been, I do it for experience. Experience is something you can learn lessons from and pass on to your kids. It is what makes you the person you are today and the person you can still become. Experience is what brings people together and makes us understand one another.

well, i guess that's it. that's what i'm passionate about. it's too bad i can't "design" experience, or "ride" experience or even "eat" experience. although... it could make a great book. wink*

the vow

It’s not often I am speechless and tongue-tied. I am completely lost for words that all I can do now is write. But even written words elude me and I am left to stare at a blank white sheet on my screen.

How is it possible that another human being can completely take your breath away? When all you can do is stare and think and smile and remember and smile again. I have passed the point of being silly, I am actually a schoolgirl now. When I see him, my heart skips a beat, my legs turn rubbery and I literally clam up. All I see are his green eyes, staring right back at me with intensity.

This man loves me for all that I am. He respects me, takes care of me, and wants to be with me. He will take a bullet for me. I feel like how a woman should feel when I’m with him. I feel safe and protected and oh so loved.

That is why I vow, that from this day forward, I will take care of him and be the best person I can be for him. I will comfort him and cry with him, love him with my whole heart and grow with him. This is it for me.

And as he asked me if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, without hesitation, I said yes.

they grow up so fast...

today, i became a proud mama.

a few years back, i taught Graphic Design and Multimedia at the Cebu Institute of Technology. my class was every Saturday for 4 hrs, with 2 hrs lecture and 2 hrs lab. now for anyone who has never tried holding a seminar/class for 4 hrs straight, it can be pretty tedious and a strain to your vocal chords. it gets frustrating sometimes, esp when you encounter students who may be a bit slow to learn, so you try to spend more time with them. i have to tell you though, teaching is the noblest job in the world, hands-down. well, second to motherhood, but i'm talking monetarily-paid, bi-weekly paycheque kinda job. so it is with great pride knowing that, just last month, my students -- the awkward, unsure bunch of kids who annoyed me at times -- have finally walked the golden aisle of victory. they can now proudly say, "I am a PROFESSIONAL."

but, as much as i am soooooo proud of them, i also worry. like a mom who is finally letting her children go to explore what the world has to offer, i worry that the world might not be so kind to them. us older folk know what it's like already. we've been humbled, shamed, rejected and put in our place so many times that we've developed callouses from it. but these kids, they've never tried being in that position. for years, they've been sheltered. they only know school and allowances and weekends. are they ready for all the ups and downs of professional life? they don't yet know what it feels like to be rejected by so many companies, because they're too young and inexperienced. they don't yet know what it feels like to have their skills questioned or their egos trampled on because the big boss "didn't like it". it sucks bigtime. but on the lighter side, they will experience their first company outing and meet other professionals. they will be able to apply what they've learned from school and prove to the world that they are capable. and they will receive their first paycheque. doesn't matter how small the amount is, it is theirs. they earned it. and that is a driving force for many entry level workers to strive harder.

perhaps i am worrying for nothing. i have faith in these kids that they will rise to the top of their careers and be recognized for their efforts. and im not just saying that because i was at one time a part of their academic lives. i'm saying that because i believe in them. and sometimes that is all the encouragement they need.

CONGRATULATIONS, Graduates!!!

the miracle jar

Friday is usually the most uneventful day of the week for me. people are excited about starting the weekend, fewer clients come in, lesser phone calls. it just works to my advantage being at the reception desk, because then i can take time to think and read old emails. i have had alot to think about this week, so much to contemplate and so much to be thankful for.

a few days before the New Year, i got into a huge fight with my family. it was an ongoing argument that spanned for 4 long years. on New Year's eve, i went to church in observance of the New Year and made a promise to myself, that whatever was in store for me in the New Year, i was leaving it to Him. i had given up my need to control everything that happened to me. on the first day of the New Year, i spent it alone in my family's apartment in Basak. no family, no friends, no loved ones. i was invited but it just didnt feel right for me to be spending it with other people and not my own family. but oddly enough, i didn't feel that lonely. i felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders as soon as i gave everything up to faith. i spent the New Year watching Weeds Season 1-2, 2 movies and enjoying other people's fireworks from my window. it wasn't that bad.

immediately after that, i got a call from my family and we made up. Miracle number one.

on my flight back from Cebu on Jan 27, the day after Chinese New Year, I boarded a "special" Cathay Pacific flight CX888. This flight has never been offered and it just so happened to be available then because there was a huge demand for a flight that day and so they opened one by request. i am not superstitious but 8 is known to be a lucky Chinese number and to triple that would just be a pot of gold.

since then, my life has been one huge surprise after another. i got a job i didn't think i'd get at a place i had been working most of my adult life. no one really knows what i have been doing here and in a way, it's a good thing. i have grown up so much in the span of 5 months that i'm honestly in awe at how things have turned out since i've finally let go of most of my demons. Miracle number two.

as soon as i had let go of my fears, i was awarded with Miracle number three. love for me was a luxury. only the really desereving ones are lucky to get it. i had no faith in myself to believe that i deserved the best kind of love there was and i was satisfied with what was offered. i had no idea that love, when given unconditionally, can be beautiful and joyous, not emotionally draining. a chance encounter has showed me that and it has me shaking my head in disbelief at how, when things are meant to happen, they just do. when you let love into your life, it is nothing short of a miracle.


so far, i have nothing to complain about. i am at the best place in my life right now and i really don't want to screw it up. but it has me realizing though that no matter how much you plan your life out, it never turns out the way you want it. no, we're too small in this world to be given that power so what we do get are miracles. and so far, my jar is full to the brim. although i have a good feeling i might need to find a bigger jar soon.

more odds

... hotdogs
... Linkin Park
... New York city
... the love for food
... Van Gogh
... bookstores
... The Rock Shop
... graphic novels

what are the odds?

... of using the same cherry Chapstick?
... of liking the same toppings on a Subway sandwich (lettuce, pickles, tomatoes, honey mustard)?
... of being the only two people in the world who know how to do the fist dance?
... of having the same old movies on VHS?

there are no coincidences.
everything happens for a reason.

men and their professions part 3

this is the concluding entry of me "Men" series.

the rockstar
he's a romantic by nature, writing songs that pierce the soul. he eats, breathes, thinks music and his goal in life is to leave a legacy as a musician. he writes you a song for your birthday, sings to you under a star-studded sky and he introduces you to all his musician friends. you become a part of an elite circle of artists. his world revolves around his band and his aspirations. you are eventually left on the sidelines. his ambitions become yours. and unless you are extremely confident in yourself, those groupies won't bug you even when you know he likes it. you are his biggest supporter yet you cannot fully comprehend his world.

if you choose to be or are with a rockstar:
support and understand that this is what he wants with his life. be prepared to put your life on hold while he finds his footing in an often fickle industry. encourage him and if you're inclined to music as much as he is, ask to help in any way you can. be his publicist or his manager. just be involved. but if you cannot put your own life on hold so he can fulfill his dreams, be realistic.

the conclusion
men are loveable and sweet by nature. they are honest and real and can be a girl's best friend (move over diamonds). i am in no position to judge them and i hope i haven't offended any men with this series. this is really just based on personal opinion. but it does ultimately boil down to choice. in reality, men are not hotwired to understand how women think. Instead, they were born with a sense of maintaining a role, whether it be a warrior, a father or a bachelor. men will innately try to fit into those roles and these traits trickle down to everything they do and everyone they encounter. as women, if we choose to support these roles, we are going to have to be doubly understanding and doubly supportive. because no woman i've ever met has never had heart.

men and their professions part 2

this is the second installment of my "Men and Their Professions Series". this is just a personal take on the influences of a man's occupation on how he treats his woman. read on.

the manager
he is organized and disciplined. almost like the law enforcer, he is also very careful about showing emotion. because he's a teamleader by profession, he will always take it into his own hands to find solutions. he likes to plan and he likes detail. he gets annoyed with impulsive actions and lacks spontaneity. being with the manager does however, ensure a smooth-sailing getaway trip or party. when he gets amorous, he takes the lead and is always concerned with what you like. he goes all out with presents and always keeps in mind the presentation. if you're a woman who likes being led, the manager will do just that. but if you're a woman who likes to speak her mind, being with the manager usually leads to conflicts in opinion and most often than not, yours gets ignored. a manager's ego is hard to bring down. he will always challenge your opinion, just because that is what they're trained to do. they will question you and they will always come up with reasons. if you attempt to try to assert an opinion, you must be strong-willed and confident enough with your opinion for it to get through.

if you choose to be or are with a manager:
know when to assert yourself and when to say no. like in any office setting, the assertive people get their points across and are heard. staying quiet and shutting up will get you nowhere fast. if you don't like the way he handles your issues like a client, let him know that you want him to listen and that you're not looking for a solution just yet. and in terms of spontaneity, take the initiative instead of waiting for him to do it. surprise him with your delicious homecooking, or give him a backrub. if that doesn't give him the hint, just tell him this is what you want from him and don't keep him guessing. he will appreciate it more than you know.

the cook
the cook is a people-pleaser. he is not immune to criticsm, esp if he has a temper to begin with. he is a perfectionist, an inventor and an artist. he is often very critical of himself and often his confidence is tested by those higher than he is. being with the cook though makes life easier for a woman with a fluctuating self-esteem. every cook friend i have has never said they prefer skinny women, just because it gives them pleasure knowing their ladies enjoy their food. and it would be very hard to stay skinny if you're dating a cook. the cook has a secure outlook of himself, accepting that he is no supermodel himself and that he loves food. his confidence though could be a rollercoaster. one second he receives praises, the next second his souffle is a flop. to be with a cook requires patience and understanding. you would have to understand why he cries over a slightly overcooked tuna ahi when he was aiming for rare.

if you choose to be or are with a cook:
you would need to have a strong stomach and a secure self-image. you would most likely be his guinea pig and you would most likely gain weight because of it. try not to blame him. instead, be supportive of his quest to find the perfect taste. develop a new sense of acquired tastes. try not to be so harsh with his experiments (eg. spitting it out) and if you're familiar with cooking terminology, make suggestions. your tastebuds will be one less thing to worry about in your relationship.

tomorrow, the rockstar and the conclusion to this series.

men and their professions part 1

i know enough men to know that alot of their egos come from what they do for a living. add on to their already innate personalities, you can either have a humble worker or an egomaniac. many of my male friends treat women the way they do because of their jobs and unfortunately, it is very hard to change that unless they want to. here is a list of some professions which i think are influential on how men treat their women. feel free to argue.

the law enforcer
many of them are ex-Marines, trained to never show emotion or weakness. their patriotism is astounding and their discipline is unrivalled. being with a law enforcer would also mean constant fear of having to get the news that he was "killed in action". it would also mean putting up with his passion for staying fit and if you are not the type to count calories, this would probably annoy the heck out of you. although when they do show emotion, it is sincere and honest. no frilly sweet nothings, just straight and direct to the point expressions. pretty much like their jobs. beat the bad guys, save the civilian. very noble, very admirable, very in your face. not that being with a law enforcer would be completely emotionless, but you would have to be a very strong, discplined woman yourself to tackle the life of a policeman's wife.

if you choose to be or are with a law enforcer:
try tapping into his emotion pool once in a while. talk about his fears and listen with sincerity. these men are trained to make suspects out of everyone, even the ones they love. so gain his trust.

the i.t. guy
this guy has his nose at the computer 24/7. he knows every term, every networking site, every tech fad there is. he's extremely smart and he knows his ins and outs of everything on the Internet. Because of this, he is very knowledgeable in finding things for you that you didn't know existed. He knows where to look when finding a good restaurant or researching online for what movies are in theatres. he sends you e-cards, e-flowers and everything else e-. He is also an email sender, preferring this digital exchange more than actual conversation. The i.t. guy most probably stays quiet when confronted and prefers to let you do the talking. i'm not saying he's completely spineless, as there are just as many aggressive tech guys out there. just that if you don't speak the same lingo, it would be very hard to communicate.

if you choose to be or are with an i.t. guy:
you obviously know a little bit about his passion for technology if you're with him in the first place. be more open to it and make the effort of understanding what it is he does. don't have a clue what Twitter is? read about it and make one for yourself. better yet, ask HIM. this sudden curiosity will ignite his passion and get him talking - verbally - nonstop. and if you are REALLY confident in your relationship, tweet about you and your guy. just make sure you sincerely are interested in this and not just trying to impress him.

tomorrow, the manager and the cook.

gusto na ko makakita sa akong liwat

niabot na jud ang adlaw. gusto na ko makakita sa akong liwat.

this year is my last in the 20-something pool. i think i've accomplished enough, in terms of career and ambition. i was never really ambitious to begin with. but it doesn't have that much to do with age really. it's more of a longing, to finally take care of someone, to give love unconditionally and to be selfless and infintely patient. i want to be responsible for someone and to raise good people.

i want a little one calling me Mommy. a little version of me, running around, with curly hair bouncing up and down. girl or boy, it doesnt matter as long as they're mine. i think about all the mothers out there who didn't want their children, who treat them so terribly and blame them for a life cut short. they can all rot in hell for thinking that selfishly, while so many women would die to have their own children but unfortunately can't.

maynta tagaan kos Ginoo ani. i think i'd make a good mother. if only i was so lucky.

keeping a promise

sometimes the hardest thing to do is keep a promise. it's even harder when you're keeping a promise to yourself. i guess it's easier when it's someone else's promise because breaking it might jeopardize your friendship, and we don't really want to burn bridges. making a promise to yourself takes more effort, more control and discipline. there is no one to tell you not to do it, because it was your promise to make, no one else's. it's easier to fall off the wagon because it's not like you promised it to anyone else. there are no relatioships to ruin, no moral conflict with someone else... just you and your head and your promise.

i've made a promise to myself that i am having trouble keeping. im just crossing my fingers i can keep it.

a name

sometimes all it takes is a name to move on.
a name was mentioned, a name i didn't know.
now i shall move on as well.

should i or shouldn't i?

sometimes i wonder why we write blogs. is it to make people aware of what you're doing, just because you want to be remembered? or is it a personal thing, wanting to vent but not wanting to keep it inside?

i usually like to blog about what im feeling or thinking. sometimes it is very therapeutic. i also like to blog about food, but that is a different site and different story.

i guess i came back to blogging because i just miss being able to write and get comments about it. i like knowing what people think about my thoughts. it can turn into a discussion or a debate, doesnt matter. just as long as we're all talking and communicating. whatever anyone's reason to blog is, one thing is for sure: someone will always be interested to read it. we're all just human that way.:)