Friday, May 22, 2009

the miracle jar

Friday is usually the most uneventful day of the week for me. people are excited about starting the weekend, fewer clients come in, lesser phone calls. it just works to my advantage being at the reception desk, because then i can take time to think and read old emails. i have had alot to think about this week, so much to contemplate and so much to be thankful for.

a few days before the New Year, i got into a huge fight with my family. it was an ongoing argument that spanned for 4 long years. on New Year's eve, i went to church in observance of the New Year and made a promise to myself, that whatever was in store for me in the New Year, i was leaving it to Him. i had given up my need to control everything that happened to me. on the first day of the New Year, i spent it alone in my family's apartment in Basak. no family, no friends, no loved ones. i was invited but it just didnt feel right for me to be spending it with other people and not my own family. but oddly enough, i didn't feel that lonely. i felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders as soon as i gave everything up to faith. i spent the New Year watching Weeds Season 1-2, 2 movies and enjoying other people's fireworks from my window. it wasn't that bad.

immediately after that, i got a call from my family and we made up. Miracle number one.

on my flight back from Cebu on Jan 27, the day after Chinese New Year, I boarded a "special" Cathay Pacific flight CX888. This flight has never been offered and it just so happened to be available then because there was a huge demand for a flight that day and so they opened one by request. i am not superstitious but 8 is known to be a lucky Chinese number and to triple that would just be a pot of gold.

since then, my life has been one huge surprise after another. i got a job i didn't think i'd get at a place i had been working most of my adult life. no one really knows what i have been doing here and in a way, it's a good thing. i have grown up so much in the span of 5 months that i'm honestly in awe at how things have turned out since i've finally let go of most of my demons. Miracle number two.

as soon as i had let go of my fears, i was awarded with Miracle number three. love for me was a luxury. only the really desereving ones are lucky to get it. i had no faith in myself to believe that i deserved the best kind of love there was and i was satisfied with what was offered. i had no idea that love, when given unconditionally, can be beautiful and joyous, not emotionally draining. a chance encounter has showed me that and it has me shaking my head in disbelief at how, when things are meant to happen, they just do. when you let love into your life, it is nothing short of a miracle.

so far, i have nothing to complain about. i am at the best place in my life right now and i really don't want to screw it up. but it has me realizing though that no matter how much you plan your life out, it never turns out the way you want it. no, we're too small in this world to be given that power so what we do get are miracles. and so far, my jar is full to the brim. although i have a good feeling i might need to find a bigger jar soon.